TH'OL GRIM N GORY
Aug. 5th, 2011 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_wagstaff posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
alternityWotcher, mates!
I'm out here, stayin two turns ahead of M'Lady's Knee. Hope yer keepin safe, too, then.
Got a new suggestion for yeh.
Out here in the countrysides, all along the waterways yeh'll find a plant that'll serve yeh a good turn when yeh need somefin sly an nasty. An yeh can't miss it if'n yeh see it. GIANT HOGWEED, they call it. Maybe y'know it as cartwheel flower or giant cow parsnip, but whatever y'call it, it's the biggest plant on the bankside an no mistakin.
It looks like hemlock or, y'know, like common hogweed, only giant sized! An when I say it's huge, I mean it: it can be twice as tall as a tall bloke, and the white flowers form clumps big as platters.
Anywiz, this stuff is dead useful. First off, there's a sap in this plant that'll make yer enemies sorry they crossed yeh. All yeh need ter do is cut the stalk an collect the sap as it's runnin out. Use it loadsa ways: smear it on somefin yer enemy'll use. Or make a bladder bomb of it. Use yer loaf: yeh'll think o somefin to do with it.
But there's a second thing yeh can do with the plant, an it's brilliant. When I was a lad, we used ter cut hogweed and use the stalks for pea shooters. They're hollow, innit? Once yeh've got the sap out an all. An if regular hogweed's good fer shootin peas, think what yeh could shoot thru the stalk of a giant hogweed! With the right little spell fer flingin it, yeh'll be sendin yer shot well an true!
See? 'Sjust a matter o usin yer loaves an stayin outta harm's way while yeh do.
I'm out here, stayin two turns ahead of M'Lady's Knee. Hope yer keepin safe, too, then.
Got a new suggestion for yeh.
Out here in the countrysides, all along the waterways yeh'll find a plant that'll serve yeh a good turn when yeh need somefin sly an nasty. An yeh can't miss it if'n yeh see it. GIANT HOGWEED, they call it. Maybe y'know it as cartwheel flower or giant cow parsnip, but whatever y'call it, it's the biggest plant on the bankside an no mistakin.
It looks like hemlock or, y'know, like common hogweed, only giant sized! An when I say it's huge, I mean it: it can be twice as tall as a tall bloke, and the white flowers form clumps big as platters.
Anywiz, this stuff is dead useful. First off, there's a sap in this plant that'll make yer enemies sorry they crossed yeh. All yeh need ter do is cut the stalk an collect the sap as it's runnin out. Use it loadsa ways: smear it on somefin yer enemy'll use. Or make a bladder bomb of it. Use yer loaf: yeh'll think o somefin to do with it.
But there's a second thing yeh can do with the plant, an it's brilliant. When I was a lad, we used ter cut hogweed and use the stalks for pea shooters. They're hollow, innit? Once yeh've got the sap out an all. An if regular hogweed's good fer shootin peas, think what yeh could shoot thru the stalk of a giant hogweed! With the right little spell fer flingin it, yeh'll be sendin yer shot well an true!
See? 'Sjust a matter o usin yer loaves an stayin outta harm's way while yeh do.
Private Message to Otto Strangeweale and Hesper Dunn
Date: 2011-08-05 07:52 pm (UTC)The advice goes beyond mere negligence, surely. I shall be travelling this evening, but I would be willing and available to write the warning notice later tonight if you authorise it.
Deferring to your judgement,
P. Pomfrey
Order Only
Date: 2011-08-06 02:39 pm (UTC)We've formed a 'Committee To Promote the Dissemination of Healthful Information Whilst Discouraging the Spread of Harmful Tosh', on which I serve as 'Second Quill' of the public education subcommittee. Yesterday I wrote the chair, calling this quite dangerously negligent essay to her attention.
I'd not got two miles along my walk to Cheltenham, however, when I was run to ground by one of the Ministry's express owls with a message under special seal ordering me to leave this particular author alone to write whatever he will.
I ask you: what do you suppose they are playing at?